24 Hours Without Internet: My Personal No-Google Crisis.

My Internet has been out for nearly 24 hours. The modem works; the TV works. The Internet? Does not work. I’ve tried everything I can think of to make it GO. I turned it off and on. I shut down my various machines and booted them back up again. I unplugged it and let it rest overnight hoping some cable magic would happen.

No luck.

The only thing I didn’t try (besides actually calling Comcast) was unscrewing the cable from the jack in the living room and reconnecting it in one of the bedrooms. This is what my husband suggested I try next. But it just seemed like a lot of stuff to unplug so I figured I’d wait until he got home from his business trip and let him sort it out.

And, I figure, by waiting I’m killing two birds with one stone. I’m getting the Internet fixed; I’m giving John the opportunity to demonstrate his man skills here in the home. By waiting for him to unplug it and plug it back in he will have the chance to stomp around and critique the way the Cable Guy wired our system. Which is something he really enjoys doing. I’m thinking that waiting for him to fix it versus doing it myself makes it a win/win.

So, I cuddled in last night all ready to enjoy a sort of forced silent retreat. There were a few things I would have liked to have wrapped up that afternoon, but nothing that couldn’t wait until the morning. I made a homemade pizza for dinner. Did the dishes and some laundry; walked the dog. And I watched a little HSN. If you really want to learn to sell stuff (or make small talk)? Then watch the shopping channel. These people are amazing. See if YOU can talk about the majestic nature of an ordinary beach flip flop for a solid fifteen minutes of air time. I bet you can’t!

Anyway. Once I got tired of watching HSN – I made it through three June Ambrose outfits – I decided to pick up my Kindle and make some progress on Silas Marner. That’s when the sh*t hit the fan. Without the Internet I couldn’t sync to the furthest page I’d read. I had to page through until I found it myself. Tragic.

So, one full day without Internet and I’ve assembled a list of unnecessary stuff I was unable to accomplish without WiFi:

  • I tossed and turned last night (I’m a terrible insomniac) and I wanted to Google the link between magnesium deficiency and sleeplessness. Couldn’t do it. I popped a magnesium supplement and feel asleep, but as for the connection? I’m left wondering.
  • I was unable to update my Yelp review of my new salon. You can tell if someone’s a good colorist right away, but it takes a few haircuts before the depth of their skill set can be seen. This is important information that people NEED TO KNOW. They will have to wait for the weekend.
  • I remembered I hadn’t heard back from Cigna on the investigation into coverage for my bone-anchored hearing device and thought I should send the guy a message. That’s a no-can-do.
  • I got it in my mind that I could go to school at Aveda Denver to become a makeup artist and I was wondering how much it cost and how long it would take but I couldn’t google it. I would be, like, the only makeup artist that could also discuss the Kantian perspective.
  • I got tired of reading Silas Marner and thought I’d take a break and download another book I’ve been looking at. OH SNAP! No wifi.
  • Thought I’d order a new pair of sandals from Zappos.com since I seemed to have the time to browse. But then remembered I had all this extra time to browse for shoes because I had no wifi.
  • Sitting in bed, I had the idea that it might be a good retirement plan to buy a few acres and put a “tiny house” on the property. Like maybe one of these “hobby mining” spots in Colorado we’d been talking about. Get my sister and her husband to put a tiny house there, too. Cheaper than a big house and a lot less maintenance, freeing you to travel and spend time in other spots. I broadened this old age pensioner vision to include bonfires and barbecues, hobby mining for garnets when our Humira decides to kick in. Unfortunately, I was unable to google available hobby mining properties or local “tiny house” manufacturers. As of this morning, my retirement plans remain in flux.
  • My childhood friend, Linda Patterson. What’s she up to? I guess, without WiFi, we’ll never know.
  • I never heard back on that job I applied for. I wonder if they wound up filling the position and if they did? Who did they hire? I still don’t know.
  • What’s my bank balance?
  • Has the hand lotion I ordered from Amazon Prime been delivered? Because my skin is so dry. Did the apartment’s front desk forget to notify me?
  • My leg itches. It could be dry skin. But maybe it’s cancer. I should Google itchy leg cancers. I’m probably going to die of leg cancer because I couldn’t Google it in time.

 One of the great things about the Internet is that virtually everything is knowable. Whether the answers are accurate or true? Well, that’s another blog post. With Google, you literally NEVER HAVE TO WONDER again. Without Google? Well…then you’re left trying to figure out how you used to waste all your time.

Today? I’m working in the apartment’s community room.


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