24 Hours Without Internet: My Personal No-Google Crisis.

My Internet has been out for nearly 24 hours. The modem works; the TV works. The Internet? Does not work. I’ve tried everything I can think of to make it GO. I turned it off and on. I shut down my various machines and booted them back up again. I unplugged it and let it rest overnight hoping some cable magic would happen.

No luck.

The only thing I didn’t try (besides actually calling Comcast) was unscrewing the cable from the jack in the living room and reconnecting it in one of the bedrooms. This is what my husband suggested I try next. But it just seemed like a lot of stuff to unplug so I figured I’d wait until he got home from his business trip and let him sort it out.

And, I figure, by waiting I’m killing two birds with one stone. I’m getting the Internet fixed; I’m giving John the opportunity to demonstrate his man skills here in the home. By waiting for him to unplug it and plug it back in he will have the chance to stomp around and critique the way the Cable Guy wired our system. Which is something he really enjoys doing. I’m thinking that waiting for him to fix it versus doing it myself makes it a win/win.

So, I cuddled in last night all ready to enjoy a sort of forced silent retreat. There were a few things I would have liked to have wrapped up that afternoon, but nothing that couldn’t wait until the morning. I made a homemade pizza for dinner. Did the dishes and some laundry; walked the dog. And I watched a little HSN. If you really want to learn to sell stuff (or make small talk)? Then watch the shopping channel. These people are amazing. See if YOU can talk about the majestic nature of an ordinary beach flip flop for a solid fifteen minutes of air time. I bet you can’t!

Anyway. Once I got tired of watching HSN – I made it through three June Ambrose outfits – I decided to pick up my Kindle and make some progress on Silas Marner. That’s when the sh*t hit the fan. Without the Internet I couldn’t sync to the furthest page I’d read. I had to page through until I found it myself. Tragic.

So, one full day without Internet and I’ve assembled a list of unnecessary stuff I was unable to accomplish without WiFi:

  • I tossed and turned last night (I’m a terrible insomniac) and I wanted to Google the link between magnesium deficiency and sleeplessness. Couldn’t do it. I popped a magnesium supplement and feel asleep, but as for the connection? I’m left wondering.
  • I was unable to update my Yelp review of my new salon. You can tell if someone’s a good colorist right away, but it takes a few haircuts before the depth of their skill set can be seen. This is important information that people NEED TO KNOW. They will have to wait for the weekend.
  • I remembered I hadn’t heard back from Cigna on the investigation into coverage for my bone-anchored hearing device and thought I should send the guy a message. That’s a no-can-do.
  • I got it in my mind that I could go to school at Aveda Denver to become a makeup artist and I was wondering how much it cost and how long it would take but I couldn’t google it. I would be, like, the only makeup artist that could also discuss the Kantian perspective.
  • I got tired of reading Silas Marner and thought I’d take a break and download another book I’ve been looking at. OH SNAP! No wifi.
  • Thought I’d order a new pair of sandals from Zappos.com since I seemed to have the time to browse. But then remembered I had all this extra time to browse for shoes because I had no wifi.
  • Sitting in bed, I had the idea that it might be a good retirement plan to buy a few acres and put a “tiny house” on the property. Like maybe one of these “hobby mining” spots in Colorado we’d been talking about. Get my sister and her husband to put a tiny house there, too. Cheaper than a big house and a lot less maintenance, freeing you to travel and spend time in other spots. I broadened this old age pensioner vision to include bonfires and barbecues, hobby mining for garnets when our Humira decides to kick in. Unfortunately, I was unable to google available hobby mining properties or local “tiny house” manufacturers. As of this morning, my retirement plans remain in flux.
  • My childhood friend, Linda Patterson. What’s she up to? I guess, without WiFi, we’ll never know.
  • I never heard back on that job I applied for. I wonder if they wound up filling the position and if they did? Who did they hire? I still don’t know.
  • What’s my bank balance?
  • Has the hand lotion I ordered from Amazon Prime been delivered? Because my skin is so dry. Did the apartment’s front desk forget to notify me?
  • My leg itches. It could be dry skin. But maybe it’s cancer. I should Google itchy leg cancers. I’m probably going to die of leg cancer because I couldn’t Google it in time.

 One of the great things about the Internet is that virtually everything is knowable. Whether the answers are accurate or true? Well, that’s another blog post. With Google, you literally NEVER HAVE TO WONDER again. Without Google? Well…then you’re left trying to figure out how you used to waste all your time.

Today? I’m working in the apartment’s community room.


Questions to Ask at a Job Interview

A list of questions you should ask during your job interview.

Questions to Ask at a Job Interview.


I came across this list of questions on Pinterest - the current source of everything worth knowing. The full article was written by Erika Brandt, Marketing and Communications Manager for AgCareers.com.

What struck me about the list was how dramatically different my life might be if I had asked even a few of them when I was interviewed for some of the jobs I've had.

An unhappy work environment matters. It can squash employees' initiative and derail the mission away from long term organizational goals in favor of placating supervisors from moment-to-moment.

Performance measurement is another sticky subject. What if they told you performance would be measured not by the list of tasks in the job description but by your ability to navigate someone's mood swings? Or that you'd be required to fill out a twenty page performance review sheet each year, that your review would always be three months late, and that your supervisor spends less than ten minutes reviewing your prepared documents beforehand?

I'm not naive enough to believe that an interviewer would give away some of the more complicated (and unhappy) nuances of the corporate culture, but looking back I'd rather like to see how interviewers reacted when asked to describe it.

Looking back, I think body language is one of the most telling (and overlooked) clues to corporate culture. I remember visiting an office over the course of several interviews and noticed that no one was talking or smiling. The HR assistant was visibly unhappy and unpleasant to work with over the course of the two month interview process. Of course I took the job. And of course it was just the tip of the misery iceberg.

During an interview at another company I noticed that the office environment was complete chaos. The interviewers were unprepared and seemed to just ask questions that came into mind instead of probing for specific skills and responses. Employees randomly wandered around interrupting one another and our interview, which was happening in the middle of a busy room. One person scheduled to be part of the interview process was unable to leave her desk because no one else would answer the phones.Of course I took the job. And of course the crazy I observed in that brief time in the office was only the tip of the chaos iceberg.

I love this list of questions and I hope you'll ask them at your next interview. I would also like to suggest that you carefully observe the office on the days you visit. Consider that what you see is the office on their "best behavior." And decide whether or not you can live with that behavior pushed all the way to the far edge. It's difficult to do when you need a job, but saying "no" to a miserable work environment can be the difference between a good life and, well...


Anti-bad-mood sprays™ Are a Return Hit for Holiday Gifts and Office Secret Santa

 Dwight Schrute prepares for the holidays. 

It’s that time again. Ugh. Your mother will, once again, yell across the Thanksgiving dinner table, "When are you two going to stop using birth control, already?!"

If you don't come up with exactly the right gift for Raul in accounting he'll see that you never get your expense checks back in time to pay the credit card bills.

A big hit last season, anti-bad-mood sprays™ are the perfect fit for this year's holiday gifts.

Aromatherapy mood sprays are an inexpensive, creative gift for office, family, friends

The Antidote for Ego™, Apathy™, Passive™ and Aggressive™ are custom blended sprays that battle common bad moods. Priced under $20 each, with eco-luxe packaging, they are perfect for everyone – the hostess, the office gift exchange, your family, your mailman.

“There really isn’t anyone who doesn’t need at least one anti-bad-mood spray™,” says Heidi Rettig, CEO of HR Products. “Everyone can use a bottle in a shared restroom to tamp down, um … smells. Stock up before the dysfunctional family members arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. There’s no shame in buying in bulk.”

The products are certified vegan and their essential oils are organically sourced, whenever possible. Apathy™ is the most popular product on the website. The scent of fresh peeled grapefruit, with a hint of green, naturally freshens the air and enhances memory and concentration.

“I ship more bottles of anti-Passive™ to New York City than anywhere else in our great nation,” Rettig says. “Something I wouldn’t have predicted based on my experience of the way New Yorkers behave in the taxi line outside Grand Central Station.”

Taxi Line at Grand Central Station, New York City.


Aromatherapy mood lifting sprays on DailyCandy.com

Our anti-bad-mood sprays were featured in a hilarious anti-Valentine's slideshow, "(Not So) Bitter Party of One" on DailyCandy.com  

The feature made me so happy - I love DailyCandy.


I Hate My Boss: Advice for Miserable Job Situations

Last week's column dealt with office b.o. This week's column is about how to handle "holy rollers" in the workplace. Heidi Rettig, creator of anti- Apathymood spray gives frank advice on your job complaints. 

Got a problem at work? Send your question to antidoteforego[at]gmail.com and it may be featured in an upcoming installment of "What Would Ewe Do?" on www.thecollaredsheep.com


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